Originaly published in the Guardian on 26 October 1983 Dennis Nilsen wrote a series of notes and letters from his prison cell to police officers who were working on his case, outlining his feelings about his killings and about his life. In the letters, read to the court yesterday, Nilsen wrote that he was unsure of his motives for killing. "There is no disputing the fact that I am a violent killer under certain circumstances. The victim is the dirty platter after the feast, and the washing up is a clinically ordinary task. It would be better if my reason for killing could be clearly defined, i.e. robbery, jealousy, hate, revenge, sex, blood lust or sadism. But it is none of these." He wrote of the remorse he had felt since his arrest and quoted lines from Oscar Wilde's Ballad of Reading Gaol: "Each man kills the thing he loves ? the coward does it with a kiss; the brave man with a sword." Nilsen has denied murdering Kenneth Ockenden, Martin Duffey, William Sutherland, Malcolm Barlow, John Howlett and Stephen Sinclair and attempting to murder Douglas Stewart and Paul Nobbs. He has pleaded guilty to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility. Detective Chief Inspector Peter Jay told the court yesterday that he had arrested Nilsen on February 9 after four fingers and some flesh had been found in the drain outside his home in Cranley Gardens, Muswell Hill. Mr Jay read to the court a series of notes and letters written in custody by Nilsen. The first, dated February 15, was headed: "Unscrupulous behaviour (sexual depression?)" and covered two pieces of foolscap. "I guess that I may be a creature, a psychopath," he wrote, "who, when in a loss of rationality situation lapses into temporarily a destructive psychopath, a condition induced by rapid and heavy ingestion of alcohol. The court has heard that Nilsen told police he had picked up 15 or 16 young men in pubs, taken them home for more drinks, and strangled them. "God only knows what thoughts go through my mind when it is captive within a destructive binge," he wrote. He suggested drink might destroy his feelings of morality and listed other possible motives. "It may be the perverted overkill of my need to help people ? victims who I decide to release quickly from the slings and arrows of their outrageous fortune, pain and suffering. "Or could it be the subconscious outpouring of all the primitive instincts of primeval man? Could it be a case of the individual exaltation in beating the system and a need to beat and confound it time and time again? It amazes me that I have no tears for these victims. I have no tears for myself or those bereaved by my action." Crime London Nick Davies guardian.co.uk © 2011 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds